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April 14, 2005
MR.HARRISON BRIGHT
Greetings to you,
This letter must come to you as a big surprise, but I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends and business partners My name is MR.HARRISON BRIGHT.the present branch Manager of a bank here in Benin Republic West Africa.
I write you this proposal in good faith, believing that I can trust you with the information I am about to reveal to you. Like I said, I have a transaction that will benefit both of us, as your assistance is required as a foreigner.
I use to head the Accounts department in my bank head office, but last December I was asked to take position of a Manager of our branch in Cotonou who passed on, so that was how I became the present Manager and discovered a fortune.
As I resumed duty, I discovered an account with total sum of $10.5 million that has not been operated on for the past 4 years. From my investigation, I found out that this account belongs to one Late Mr. Ziya Bazhayev a Russian big time Oil dealer, who unfortunately lost his life in the Yak-40 jetliner on March 9, 2000. You will read more news about the crash on visiting these site;
I have kept a close monitoring of the account since then and nobody has come forward to claim the money as next of kin to the late Mr. Ziya Bazhayev meaning that no one is aware of the account.
I cannot directly take out this money without the help of a foreigner and that is why I am contacting you for an assistance to claim the funds and share it with me. As the Manager of my bank branch, I have the power to
influence the release of the funds to any foreigner that comes up as the next of kin to the account, with the correct information concerning the account, which I shall give you.
I am seeking your co-operation to present you as the next of kin to the account. There is practically no risk involved, the transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law.
If you accept to work with me, I want you to state how you wish us to share the funds in percentage, so that both parties will be satisfied. Contact me as soon as you receive this message if you feel we can work together, so as to give you more details. Thanking you in advance and may God bless you. Please, treat with utmost confidentiality. I wait your urgent response.
Regards,
MR.HARRISON BRIGHT.
Note:for further information concerning this deal contact me through this email address: (harrisonbright@mail.com)
13 April 2005
Tek-M-Ology 2012
283 North Clark Street
Suite 3B
Chicago, Illinois 60601
Greetings MR. HARRISON BRIGHT,
Let me first express my sincerest apologies for the death of Mr. Ziya Bazhayev, your Former Russian big time Oil custumer.
My name is Dix Johnson and I head up a Tek firm in Chicago, Illinois. I must say, your letter could not have come at a better time. This appears, to me anyway (a very spiritual man), to be nothing short of blessing from some kind of higher power. Let me explain:
As I said, I head up a Tek firm in Chicago, Illinois. Until last year, business was swell, and our capital was bulging like my netherage at a Christina Aguilera concert. Recently, however, business has slowed to a near stand-still, leaving our market share dwindling and profits plummeting. Apparently, as a dotcommer, I failed to realize that such a business model would inevitably over extend itself, leading to nothing more than a living dead (see: Zombies). That, in addition to my gambling problem, has led to what we in the business world refer to as "a bit of a deficit."
As I am sure you can imagine, I am willing to do Anything (wink) to save my business. Believe me MR. HARRISON BRIGHT when I say that I started this company with blood, sweat, and tears and I'll be damned before I allow a fledgling market place to run it into the ground! And that is where you come in, my good friend and loyal confidant. I posses all of the necessary traits listed in your message, making me a perfect candidate to receive a portion of the late Mr. Ziya Bazhayev's wealth. I'm a ready, willing, and able foreignicator in desperate need of positive cash-flow. In short, I accept your proposition.
I have gleaned from your message that you are quite a trustworthy person and I understand that your intentions are completely honorable. Considering the strength of your character and your unwavering generosity, I would be happy to settle for a mere 50% of the late big time Oil Baron's lasting wealth. Please let me know if this is adequate. From here, I await your response and further instructions.
Best Wishes and Regards,
Dix Johnson, Esq.
Executive, Tek-M-Ology 2012
Posted by jgdthinktank at 11:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 13, 2005
Job Inquiry
Frickin' A. I guess you could say you're think tank just totally blew
my mind away with it's thought missiles. I mean, I thought think tanks
were like urban legends and crap. But you guys are totally for real and
using your mind power for good. Sweet. Double sweet! Is it hard to
think for so long and smartly? I don't know how you do it. Now that I
know about you guys, I am totally going to get you to help solve all my
tough life problems. Here's my situation:
I work at a factory installing electric window switches in car doors.
The pay is alright but it leaves me feeling exhausted and empty inside.
I want to do more with my life, but don't have a college degree. I
don't know really what I want to do in life - but I hate working on the
line. My step uncle once told me that to figure out what job you would
truly love in life, you have to ask yourself the question, "What would
you do if you had 20 million dollars?" So I have been thinking about
it, and what I would do if I had 20 million dollars is play paint ball
all the time – I love paint ball. The problem is, I can't find a job
where I get payed to play paint ball. Is my step uncle an idiot or is
there a job out there for me where I can do what I love?
Can you help me?
You guys are the bomb. Go think Tank!
sincerely,
David Jon Smalls
Dear David Jon Smalls,
You shouldn't listen to your step-uncle. Guys like that are a dime a
baker's dozen (that's 13 instead of 12). And by that I mean, there are
a lot of people like that for cheap. Just ask yourself, what has he
ever done in his life? The answer will inevitably be "nothing" unless
he happens to be some kind of humanitarian that has helped lots of
people or else one of the many people who has done a great things like
built plains (yes, "plains") or solve poverity and food problems and
he could be Tony Robbins but I doubt it. But the point is, there's
something wrong with you if you like paintball so much and you should
join the army. Just hold on to that factory job and think about all
the people that youse your products or all the people they help (ie.
like, say, someone was had a disability and kan't operait manual windo
switches but need the windows down). Then think of all those illegal
aleians out there who would simplee killl to bee in your shews! Think
of what they would do for your job. And if you're still empty inside,
try being gay, or else start a hobby. That will surely fill you up!
Regards!
G$
Executive Vice President of Enlightenment
Posted by jgdthinktank at 2:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 6, 2005
Wedding Bells
Dear Mr. Tank:
I do not want a lame wedding reception. What songs can I play that people would want to dance to?
Side hugs and cheeck kisses,
Bride
Dear Bride,
My partners and I have deliberated and have come up with, what we think, is the quintessential wedding mix. To give credit where credit is due, I'll split up the choices based on the JGDThinkTank partner who developed them.
Super D's Most Awesome Wedding Songs Mix
Get Your Boogie On - Young MC
Naked and Famous - Presidents of th USA
Body Movin - Beastie Boys
Full of Fire - Al Green
Bombs over Bagdad - Outkast
Get Your Hands Off my Woman - The Darkness
Mr. Roboto - Styx
Prison Song - System of a down
Say it Ain't So - Weezer
Has Been - Bill Shatner
G$'s Mix
Snare -- Ruins
In the Bosom of Uncle -- Sun City Girls
Cat Scratch Fever + Wang Dang Sweet Poontang + Yank Me, Crank Me -- Ted Nugent
Raw Power -- Dim Sum Clip Job
Tuning Notes -- Thinking Fellers Union Local #282
Vapors -- Eyvind Kang
At a Crawl -- Melvins
Squeeze Me Macaroni -- Mr. Bungle
Leng Tch'e -- Naked City
Mr. Jonny Pantz's Kick Ass Wedding Mix
I Just Wanna Love U (Give It To Me) - Jay-Z ft. Pharrell
Can't Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue
Book of the Month - Lovage
Retrovertigo - Mr. Bungle
It's Only Divine Right - The New Pornographers
It's A Wonderful Life - Sparklehorse
Girlfriend is Better + Take Me to the River + This Must Be the Place(Naive Melody) - Talking Heads
Black Tambourine + Scarecrow + Readymade + Hotwax - Beck
Girls and Boys - Blur
Love You More - Cloroform
John, I'm Only Dancing - David Bowie
She Loves Me Not + Easy Like Sunday Morning - Faith No More
I Get A Kick Out of You + My Funny Valentine - Frank Sinatra
Tired of Being Alone + I'm Still In Love With You + Here I Am + Love and Happiness + the rest of Al Green's Greatest Hits Album - Al Green
Between these three lists, it is guaranteed that you will having a rockin' wedding reception. Also at this time, we would like to mention that JGDThinkTank actually has another service, Wedding DJs. If you can provide the PA system, and don't expect us to play the Chicken Dance or Electric Slide, JGDThinkTank will put on the greatest wedding reception ever. Well at least until our next one. Hope you found this solution useful and good luck with this major step into the rest of your life.
Sincerely,
Mr. Jonny Pantz
Executive Vice President of Communication
Posted by jgdthinktank at 1:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 1, 2005
Resume and Bike Work
I was wondering if you might know of any places that I could look
through for help on creating a resume.
Also, where is a good place to take my bike to get it fixed?
Miss so-and-so
Dear Miss So-and-so,
We have dilberated and have come to a conclusion for you dilema. For your resume needs, we suggest going to the Career Center at your local university. These people are there to help you with this very thing. However, if you don't the people at your own university, these websites should be able to help you along your way.
10 Minute Resume
ResumeTutor!
As far as getting your bike fixed, Daniel and I recommend MOAB, just off the Square next to the chicken place on Maple and Lytle. These people do fine work.
Sincerely,
Mr. Jonny Pantz
Executive Vice President of Communication
Posted by jgdthinktank at 12:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Chronic Cough
Dear JGDThinkTank,
I got sick a month or so ago. Ever since then I've had this chronic
cough. I'm a musician and this gets annoying. It happens mostly when I
try to sing (which uses a lot of air) or late in the evening when I'm
winding down for bed. I'm not really coughing anything up, but
sometimes I do. I thought about asking a doctor, but then I heard
about you.
What should I do to alleviate this?
The Gort
Dear the Gort,
We are ready to share our solution for you. Since we were unable to
give you a full physical examination, we were only able to narrow it
down to a few diseases. We have all agreed that your coughing may be
a symptom of either Avian Bird Flu, SARS, Tuberulosis, and early
stages of Lung Cancer. However, there is a bit of disagreement
between Gid and Daniel. Gid thinks that it might be a symptom of
syphilis, while Daniel is partial to herpes of the throat. However,
it is certain that our solution will work for any of these diseases,
except lung cancer, which means you'll need chemo along with our
solution. We prescribe two shots of brandy, preferably Apricot
Brandy, in the morning and three shots at night of Cherry Brandy,
until cough ceases for four days. We also prescribe refraining from
masturbation, since chronic masturbation can cause dehydration which
will only aggravate your condition. We hope that you find this
solution helpful and once again thank you for coming to JGDThinkTank
with your problem. He love helping people and we hope it shows.
Sincerely,
Mr. Jonny Pantz
Executive Vice President of Communication
Posted by jgdthinktank at 12:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack