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April 01, 2005
Chronic Cough
Dear JGDThinkTank,
I got sick a month or so ago. Ever since then I've had this chronic
cough. I'm a musician and this gets annoying. It happens mostly when I
try to sing (which uses a lot of air) or late in the evening when I'm
winding down for bed. I'm not really coughing anything up, but
sometimes I do. I thought about asking a doctor, but then I heard
about you.
What should I do to alleviate this?
The Gort
Dear the Gort,
We are ready to share our solution for you. Since we were unable to
give you a full physical examination, we were only able to narrow it
down to a few diseases. We have all agreed that your coughing may be
a symptom of either Avian Bird Flu, SARS, Tuberulosis, and early
stages of Lung Cancer. However, there is a bit of disagreement
between Gid and Daniel. Gid thinks that it might be a symptom of
syphilis, while Daniel is partial to herpes of the throat. However,
it is certain that our solution will work for any of these diseases,
except lung cancer, which means you'll need chemo along with our
solution. We prescribe two shots of brandy, preferably Apricot
Brandy, in the morning and three shots at night of Cherry Brandy,
until cough ceases for four days. We also prescribe refraining from
masturbation, since chronic masturbation can cause dehydration which
will only aggravate your condition. We hope that you find this
solution helpful and once again thank you for coming to JGDThinkTank
with your problem. He love helping people and we hope it shows.
Sincerely,
Mr. Jonny Pantz
Executive Vice President of Communication
Posted by jgdthinktank at April 1, 2005 12:50 PM
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